Lately I’ve been in a fight with my internal psyche about my future. Ego. Superego. I don’t know which one it is. Whatever.All I know is that somehow my equilibrium of clouds-opening-I-am-going-to-do-THIS-with-my-life dissolved. Gone. *Poofy*
Strangely enough, I am one of the few people that I know in my age group who knew what they wanted to be as soon as they were freshmen in college. I had moments of doubt, yes, during particularly hard classes (*cough cough* O-CHEM!) but for the most part, I knew. And I enjoyed knowing. For me, that’s like, the best. A little direction. I don’t have to know all the answers. Just a little push.
But lately…it’s just different. You get away from that college atmosphere and it all changes. You start questioning yourself, if this was the right decision, if I am meant to be here, questions of fate. It’s not that I don’t find my work impossible. Au contraire, I find it do-able and I can complete tasks just fine. Yeah, I stress and probably eat too much/don’t always do things the “right” way, but overall I feel like I am prepared. In other words, it’s not overwhelming to where I struggle to get up in the morning and cry every night.
So I watched this video with Steve Jobs addressing Stanford’s commencement ceremony. It was very encouraging to see that Steve-o never went to college and he has always done things that interest him. If something didn’t interest him, he simply didn’t do it. Or so he says.
But the kicker here is that he didn’t just jump from project to project and magically become super-successful while just happening to make oodles of money.
Point is, he’s a super-smart guy, really creative, and had a niche market waiting to be discovered. THAT’S how he’s successful. He started what he finished. It’s not because he dilly-dallied between high school and college or dropped out of projects before completion. It’s that he had the creative spark plus the drive and motivation to finish projects plus the ability to promote those projects.
So I guess what I am trying to say is that I am struggling with my life purpose. Why I am on this Earth? Who knows, maybe I won’t know the answer til I see the pearly gates, but I would like a general direction. Remember how said that I just like a little direction? Too much for a gal to ask?